I just completed a 2 hour mediation… well it’s more accurate to say that after 2 hours, the mediation abruptly ended when one party bolted from the room. Her pain and fear was triggered, and she could hardly stay in her body. For sure she could not stay in the room.
My experience is that the parties would start talking in line with each other, offering gratitude and appreciation, talking about the love they shared in the past, talking about how the children have benefited from each other’s input… and even started formulating a plan for the future. Then one party would revolt. It seemed “out of the blue” when it happened and was disconcerting. Stories of past hurts became intertwined with fears for the future… and the movement towards agreements was totally lost. This happened on both sides of the table… several times. First one party, then the other. Finally the eruption got so loud and so big, that we lost the ability to get back on the tracks.
Thinking about this experience reminded me of Eckhart Tolle’s description of the pain body and suffering.
The pain body wants to survive, just like every other entity in existence, and it can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. It can then rise up, take you over, “become you,” and live through you. It needs to get its “food” through you. It will feed on any experience that resonates with its own kind of energy, anything that creates further pain in whatever form: anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief, emotional drama, violence, and even illness.
Tolle says that suffering, mentally arguing with what is, is a great spiritual teacher and will end only when you have had enough. And when we no longer inflict suffering on ourselves, we will no longer inflict suffering on others.
I saw a pain body today. No amount of empathy was able to unshackle the bondage of the pain. At least not today. My hope is that the parties will get to the end of their suffering so they can experience some healing.
I trust that God’s timing is perfect, so I walk away with a sad yet full heart.
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