Boundaries get a bad rap when they are perceived as punishment or as a consequence for bad behavior. I see boundaries as a loving way to take care of myself and those around me.
A boundary is something that indicates my limits. I may not even realize thI have a boundary, until it gets crossed. So I come at the understanding backwards.
Sometimes my boundaries are flexible and changeable. If I value my private time, being alone in my home to get things done, then I may set a boundary around having guests drop by or around answering the phone. This boundary works for the moment – for this particular day and time. Tomorrow, I may feel the need for interaction, community, and participation with others. The boundary of yesterday doesn’t line up with these things that I value today.
Sometimes my boundaries are clear lines of demarcation. For instance, I will not live with active addiction. When I live with active addiction, I lose trust in myself. My reality comes into question at every turn, and I lose my balance and act in ways that I don’t like. I become insane- lashing out at anyone and everyone around me while trying to control the chaos! This is not the person I want to be. It is not how I want to live in this world, so I set a clear boundary for myself.
I am learning so much about myself in the process of setting boundaries. Mostly I am learning what I value and where I want to direct my energy and resources. I know that the learning will be ongoing.
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