I often see parties spending time and energy trying to prove the other wrong. The belief seems to be, “they must be wrong for me to be right.” Sadly, the legal system promotes this kind of thinking. Build your case. Prove your story so it will trump the other story. This focuses our attention in… Continue Reading
Browsing CategoryNonviolent Communication
I think therefore I am
Great article over at Psych Central called “7 Steps to Develop Awareness of Your Feelings and Thoughts” by Athena Staik, Ph.D. Very simply, you want to become aware of what you tell yourself inside so that you—rather than your emotions—direct your choices. Your happiness depends on it. THE STEPS 1. Select a triggering situation to… Continue Reading
Empathy
I recently mediated a case and was so struck by the parties’ need for empathy. They both wanted the exact same thing but and struggled to come up with the details of how to make it happen. Their past hurts were sitting in the middle of the table like a neon sign creating a wall… Continue Reading
What’s my need here?
We go through our days without an Instruction Manual. There is no referee to let us know when we hit the ball outside the lines or jump off sides. We learn, because we experience the consequences, and the learning is not always pretty. NVC gives me these simple instructions for communicating for connection. The more… Continue Reading
Anger
Anger is an honest human emotion. We use it to mobilize into constructive action and make great things happen. When anger acts to create good, it an awesome tool. (Ray Calabrese) For so many years, I thought “good girls don’t get angry.” I thought is so much that it became a core belief – those… Continue Reading
Compromise
If I give up on half of what I want to make someone else happy or to avoid negative consequences, the results are short-lived, and we each get to share 50% of the leftover resentment. A shift in needs is different. If I am giving to you because it makes me happy to contribute to… Continue Reading
NVC Mediation – Empathetic Presence
Nonviolent Communication, based in large part on the work of Carl Rogers, is the best model of mediation I have found to stay fully connected to my own humanity. Continue Reading
Meatloaf and Lampshades
I received this email from a friend, and I am sharing it with you with her permission. Enjoy! This morning my husband and I were connecting at the breakfast table. During our conversation he said, ‘I don’t understand why you never make the same meatloaf twice. Once you perfect a dish why do you find… Continue Reading
“Taking the Dread Out of Saying No”
NVC Certified Trainer Faye Landey wrote a wonderful article called “Taking the Dread Out of Saying No.” Her statement that fear of saying no is “embedded in the domination system.” What is the domination system? It is a system where power over many lies in the hands of a few. In domination systems people are… Continue Reading
