I am hot and bothered because there have been constant issues with the hosting of my website, and I cannot do a dang thing about it. I mean, I could do something about it if I understood how servers connect to SQL databases and all that technical internet stuff, but I don’t. So I rely on those that do, and in this case, I rely on a company that does this sort of thing for a lot of people. You know those companies where you call an 800 number and then have to do the finger dance on your phone to navigate your way through voicemail hell; then when you get a live person, they ask you 300 questions to verify your identity with an accent so strong that they cannot understand you anymore than you can understand them? Well, that is the kind of company I am talking about.
I throw up my hands in utter exasperation, clench my teeth, and scream to the committee that lives in my head, “ENOUGH!” Then in an instant, I am ever so aware that this place feels familiar. This place where I take all I can take then throw up my hands in surrender.
As the process of the past several weeks starts to become clear so does my part in the drama. I am honoring a contract. I signed a five year deal with the network guys, and I place a high value on my word. A deal is a deal is a deal. I project this same value on others, and each time they do not perform, I respond as if it was the first time, and remain confident that all will be well. Something in my brain denies the possibility that someone would fail to uphold their part of the bargain, so when I see reality, I am shocked!
As I take in this clarity, I can smile. A screwed up website is giving me a gift. I see that I postpone change, even in the face of contrary evidence. I get to keep experiencing difficulties until I can say, “Okay, I get it! Make the Change!”
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