A relationship becomes easier when you realize that you don’t have to be the one at fault to be the one who’s sorry. ~Robert Brault
I was recently facilitating a mediation with a lovely couple who had several years of conflict under their belts… big conflicts involving Orders of Protection and such. I spent about 45 minutes or so listening to what they did NOT want in their lives… then I asked a simple question.
Me- I hear very clearly what you do not want, and I am wondering if you can tell me what you DO want? And I am wondering if you would share that information with Mom?
Dad-long pause I am so sorry for everything that has happened in the past, and I really want to put that behind me. I want to co-parent with you for the sake of our son. I want to be able to communicate without getting into a fight, and I want a regular, consistent visitation schedule.
The shift in the air was palbable.
Me- Mom, would you be willing to repeat back to Dad what you heard him say?
Mom- long pause I heard him say he was sorry.
That’s all she was able to say before the tears started to fall. I imagine she had been wanting to hear that apology for quite some time.
The intensity of the release sat in the air for several minutes. And everything changed.
The power of the apology shifted the rest of the conversation. It was a beautiful thing to witness.
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