Shame Monster
The Shame Monster lives in my closet and he looks like Jabba the Hut. How do I know he’s there? I know he’s there, because I start feeling all slimy.
I have no real reason to keep some of the things taking up space behind the closet door. I don’t wear them or even like them, but when I go to take them out, something tells me I should keep them. Not only, “You should hang on to those,” but also “You should want to hang on to those.” Wow. When the word “should” is in every thought, I know I am diving into shame.”
SHAME- Should Have Already Mastered Everything
I decided to tackle the monster, and began to fill up bags for Goodwill. The thing about paying attention to your feelings is that you get to experience the feelings when they present themselves, and as I removed items from my closet, the feelings came on like a spring rainstorm. I felt mean, like I was betraying my mom who gifted me that never worn scarf. I felt confused and thought, “I am getting rid of something valuable and might regret it later.” I felt dumb and told myself, “ I am throwing away good money and should take the time to sell it on eBay.” Each thing I told myself carried a weighty energy that was very uncomfortable.
I continued to take action, because I also knew all the reasons why I should let these things go. Simple things like “I haven’t worn this in three years” or “There is no way in hell I will ever wear this.” The inner jousting made it an exhausting adventure.
Letting go hurts sometimes, especially when I get a glimpse of the way I treat myself.
Does your shame monster impact how you live today?
I love Brene’ Brown’s work on shame and her book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
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